The Last Journey

Below is an article written as part of an assignment for my Feature & Magazine Writing class in college. Sharing of views is always welcome! :) 

When The World Turns Upside Down

Sudhabai and Srinivas Rao lived in Bangalore and led a happy middle class life for most part of their lives. Surrounded by  a large extended family, Rao, a middle level executive in a reputed private firm settled down to the comfort of living in a house owned by his brother  on a nominal rent. For many years, this arrangement suited them since the brothers had to look after their aged mother and could share the responsibility. Together, they took excellent care of their mother – giving her security, comfort, care and attention – apart from the socializing opportunities she would get in the surroundings of her loved ones right till her death.

As years passed by, Rao’s children completed their education. His daughters were married and well settled. His son had a good job in a reputed multinational company. Rao was all set for a happy retired life.

But fate had other plans. The son went wayward, taking to gambling and drinking. Rao’s brother sold the house and the new owner showed no mercy. And Rao too soon fell ill and died suddenly.

That left Sudhabai virtually alone to fight her way through life’s most challenging phase. The son only got worse and cleaned up their savings.

Luckily for Sudhabai, her well settled younger daughter offered to look after her. And after some initial hesitation, she settled down to a comfortable and even luxurious life. Life went on this way for nearly ten years. Her daughter was soon to get her son married and Sudhabai was there to help her all the way.

But then, all good things have to come to an end. The grand daughter-in-law did not take too kindly to her grandmother-in-law’s presence. Life began to get a bit difficult and unpleasant – but alas, Sudhabai had nowhere to go but endure the ordeal of being “unwanted” by her near and dear ones. Things went to a logical end – in quick time, Sudhabai’s daughter, with a heavy heart, dropped her miserable mother off at a far away “Old Age Home”, never to be seen again. That must have been an emotionally draining moment for her daughter and devastating for Sudhabai.

In her final days, the caretakers at the old age home conveyed information about her failing health to her daughter. The daughter could not bear the thought of going through the moral conflict of visiting her mother in distress and not being able to help her. She let the information pass.

Sudhabai’s last rites were performed by her derelict son in the presence of her full extended family – most of whom were aware of her plight but no one ever could help in any way.

But when, how and why do these situations crop up? And is there a way to minimize the plight of helpless, elderly people in the evening of their lives?

There are many perspectives – sociological, economic, psychological and political - from which we have to look at the plight of women who lead a lonely life, especially in the evening of their lives.

Sociological Factors

For ages, not just centuries, India has had a tradition of joint family system in which all the burdens and comforts of life were shared by the extended family. Women, by default, have traditionally assumed the role of “homemakers” while men were seen as “bread winners”. As a result, women have been forced to play a subservient role in the family as well as in society at large. In the process, women have been made to look helpless and dependent – and left at the mercy of the men who govern and control their lives.

Although this was shaken in the second half of the 20^th century – and more so in the post liberalization India, it will be many decades (or centuries?) before we can see a whole generation of confident women who can stand on their own and shape their destiny – from cradle to the grave.

Also, it cannot be denied that there has been a gradual erosion of family values in the last 30 years – and what was once a fundamental unit of society is no longer so.

Economic Factors

The modern day working woman is educated, competent to perform the dual task of homemaking as well as a professional career outside the home. She is well informed, widely travelled and has good professional and social skills which give her the confidence to take on life in all its shades just like any other male would do. Although the absolute numbers of such women are on the rise, they are still a small percentage of the female population.

To the vast majority of women, economic comfort and independence are still a faraway dream that may not easily be realized. Things will only get worse if they have to bear the misfortune of becoming a widow.

Yet another factor is the ‘forced separation’ from children who have had opportunities to look for greener pastures abroad. This eases the economic pressure on the elderly through the financial help their loved ones can provide from abroad. However, often the lonely, elderly people (and women in particular) need physical help in many forms. The absence of this can make life miserable.

Psychological

Many elderly people feel neglected by their children. This is real to a large extent, and only an unavoidable perception to a lesser extent. There is every possibility of the elderly developing an inferiority complex, which takes away their ability to interact effectively and positively with their near and dear ones. As a result, there will be a gradual communication gap that adds to the challenges of life in the twilight zone.

Political Factors

India has made much progress in promoting equal opportunities in education and employment  for women. However, there is a lot more legislation required to secure and promote the overall well being of its senior citizens. In this respect, India has many lessons to learn from the developed countries on bringing in proper legislation to provide better care for the helpless and the elderly.

Here are some areas that need more attention to provide a better lifethe elderly, infirm and the helpless:

1. Government should allocate more funds for Care of the Aged. Old Age Homes are required in large numbers and this should be done on a Private-Public Partnership basis to ensure reasonably good standards.

2. There is a need for proper legislation to provide proper healthcare. In their final years, very few would have  the resources to provide for healthcare expenses. This leaves them at the mercy of their children which may not work well.

3. Aged people are often the victims of greed and neglect of their children. Widows, in particular, are vulnerable to threat, violence, blackmail and exploitation. There is need for stringent laws punish those who harass the elderly.

4. Emotional well being is an important need that can have a soothing effect on the minds of people in distress. Government and NGOs should come forward to provide adequate social and recreational opportunities.

5. Government should launch vigorous campaigns to educate people about he benefits of planning for life in old age. Schemes should be introduced so that people contribute when they are strong and financially comfortable so that they can avail of benefits in later years if required.

A group of senior citizens in my neighbourhood had formed an informal "Residents Welfare Association" and were managing a park used by hundreds for exercise, walking, jogging. A virtually neglected strip of land with some trees was converted into a beautiful park with lot of greenery and fresh air. This was funded by through voluntary monthly contributions by users of the park. One fine day, government stepped in and made a rule that soliciting voluntary contributions should be stopped and that the Corporation will maintain he park. This is an example of government killing a fine initiative by its senior citizens.